


Same Difference

by Andromakhe



Series: Balance [11]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-05-02 19:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5261384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromakhe/pseuds/Andromakhe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of my "Balance" AU. Leo and Karai make a deal before their clan. But Karai later thinks her sacrifice will be too great. It's Leo to the rescue. But what else is new? Shania Twain's "From This Moment On" and Gloria Estefan's "Wrapped" express Karai's feelings well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> For this story, I assume Leo and Karai are about nineteen and twenty respectively. I’m also assuming it’s possible for them to have children, even though it probably isn’t. It just works better that way. This is my "Balance" AU and the Shredder’s no longer in the picture.

Leo stood near the tree in the dojo, arms around his carapace. He wore a white robe trimmed in blue that fell to his feet, tied shut with a black cloth belt. Under the robe was a plain linen tunic. He wore no mask and a decorative, ceremonial sword hung from his belt. The dojo itself was dim and intimate, candles providing a calming scent. Leo’s brothers were present, dressed in the same kind of nondescript tunic Leo wore. They wore no masks and were arranged so that they would flank himself and his father and bride. Raph stood behind and to the right of Leo, Mikey would flank Karai and stand across from Raph, and Donnie would stand across from the tree on Karai’s other side. The tree served as a stand-in so that Splinter and the couple would be completely surrounded.

Watching the dojo entrance, Leo’s heart sped up when he saw Karai walk in on Splinter’s arm. Splinter had a new robe, but it was otherwise what he usually wore. Karai wore a gray robe with red trim. Her belt was white and she carried a ceremonial dagger on it. She had no makeup. Not today. Karai wore makeup when they went on patrols, just as Leo wore a mask. But today, in front of their nearest and dearest, there was no reason to put up any walls. 

The brothers moved to their places silently as Leo bowed formally to Splinter. Karai copied him. Splinter nodded to both of them as Leo and Karai faced each other, within easy reach of each other's hands.

Splinter stood diagonally between Leo and Karai, a hand on each of their shoulders. He addressed the room at large.

"We are assembled here today to bare witness to the joining of Hamato Leonardo and Hamato Miwa in matrimony. They will voice their commitment to each other in our hearing, and then we will affirm what we’ve heard in writing. Understood?"

"Hai, Sensei," everyone chorused quietly. The atmosphere was oddly subdued.

"Leonardo, Miwa-" Splinter gestured to some stools, "you may take seats if you wish." 

Leo picked up a stool and set it in his place in front of the tree. Splinter, Karai, and Donnie opted for seats as well. Raph and Mikey remained standing, Mikey shifting from foot to foot and Raph stoic, arms folded over his chest.

"Whenever you’re ready, my son, unless Miwa wishes to go first."

Leo raised his eyebrows at Karai, but she shook her head, reaching for his hands. They clasped each other’s fingers, blue eyes meeting green as Leo gathered himself. The speech he’d prepared seemed so easy on paper, but now that it came down to it, faced with his partner and simple honesty, he made a spontaneous decision to just say what he felt.

"I had a speech prepared, but I wasn’t prepared for what it would do to see you walking toward me on Father’s arm. And now I’m grasping at wisps of thought. This is all your fault." Leo grinned and Karai giggled, squeezing his hands reassuringly.

Leo took a deep breath of the fragrant air, focusing steadily on Karai’s face. He sighed. "You know what? I’ll just speak to you as though no one else is here. It’s easier that way. 

"This is one of the most important decisions in a life - who one’s partner should be. And I didn’t even know I wanted a partner until I met you. I could go into our history - all the ups and downs, the near-death experiences, the vengeance and blame. But today isn’t about that. Today is about how I can’t imagine my life without you." Leo blinked rapidly and Karai slid a hand from his and patted his forearm gently, her palm a welcome weight to anchor him as he rested his free hand on his thigh. 

"If I’d never met you, I’d have done fine. I would not have pined for a woman; I would not have regretted my bachelor status. But I did meet you, and once I was touched, there was no going back.

"Karai," Leo whispered hoarsely, voice on the verge of tears as she looked at him tenderly and squeezed his hand, "you’re everything I didn’t know I needed. You just called to my spirit like you were made for it. You challenge me, support me, strengthen me, and when I’m weak or afraid or unsure, you’re there for me. You understand what honor and perfection mean to me. I know sometimes, it frustrates you, but you respect me for trying and when I fail, you scold me and hold me and tell me it’s okay. It’ll be okay." He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, but Splinter waved a handkerchief at him with a gentle smile. Leo missed the gesture so Karai reached for it and placed it softly on his palm, closing his fingers over it. Leo turned it in his fingers, then blushed and nodded his thanks, dabbing at his eyes. Karai was laughing silently at him when he looked at her, but her eyes were full of love. He gave her a tearful smile.

"Karai, I don’t know how to explain, if there’s even a way to explain, the depth of my love for you. I don’t know how to say just how uncannily you fulfill my needs. Mental, physical, everything. If I sat here and listed every single way in which you balance and complement me, our brothers would get impatient." 

Mikey giggled. Raph growled at him. Leo glanced over and held up a hand, shaking his head at both of them. They refocused immediately. Karai nodded approval at Leo.

"Karai, you’re my queen, my lady, my partner in all things. I will strive every day to make sure you know you are valued. I’ll remember to make time for you. My schedule’s always going to be hectic, but you’re more important than tasks that’ll still be there tomorrow. I’ll seek to soothe your pain, revel in your success, and remind you that I, at least, see your kindness, your compassion, your skill, and your capacity to love as fiercely as you hate. Finally, I will always love you." He stood and bowed to Karai, whose vision was blurred by moisture. He touched her arm briefly and gave her a handkerchief Splinter was holding out with a chuckle. He sat back down as Karai wiped her eyes, one arm trying to reach out to him and dropping back to her side in disappointment. 

But Splinter broke from formality and nodded to Karai. "Go to him, my daughter," he said kindly.

Karai stood up and tugged on Leo’s hand. He stood and they embraced, Karai laying her cheek to his briefly before going back to her seat. When Leo sat back down, Karai took his hands in hers again and took deep breaths to compose herself.

"Leo, what is there to say that you haven’t already heard? What can I tell you that you don’t already know? I’ve let you into my heart and you’ve touched my spirit, and you did both with the subtlety befitting a ninja of the highest caliber. I don’t mean that you were dishonest or cunning. If anything, you’ve always been very clear about your intentions, about your desires. But you snuck past my defenses, saw through my illusions, laid me bare…and made me something better." Karai sniffed, dabbing at her eyes, and Leo patted her forearm with a softly clicking tongue. Karai laughed at the sound and looked up apologetically. Leo shook his head, smiling reassuringly.

"The old me wouldn’t even be this weak. She’d be disgusted that anyone, especially a Hamato, could make her feel anything but contempt. But you did. You did and I don’t know how, because I can promise you that you aren’t - weren’t - my usual type." That earned Karai a quiet, smug chuckle, and she’d be damned if she didn’t feel a spike of lust at that. Leo looked her up and down, and Karai whacked his hands lightly with her palms. Wincing, Leo bowed his head in apology and blushed deeply. "Bad ninja," she scolded, but her eyes were laughing. 

Mikey giggled again, and even Raph smirked. Donnie threw Leo a sympathetic look. Splinter chuckled knowingly, a cunning spark in his eyes. Was this inappropriate? A little. But what was a romance without lust? He let it slide.

"Right, where was I? Oh yeah. Not my type." Karai’s expression turned sad, regretful. "I treated you like a toy. You and our brothers." She nodded to each of them. "I…I want to take this opportunity to apologize, to you guys and to Father, for being such a terrible sister and daughter. I also want to thank you, for accepting me into the clan anyway. I know I’m not good enough for Leo, but for some reason, no one else will do for him. I’m here because of him, and I appreciate that." 

"Wait, hang on," Leo growled.

"That’s not true," Mikey added.

"You’re Sensei’s daughter," Raph put in.

"We forgave you," Donnie added quietly.

"We love Leonardo, my daughter, but you have not been permitted to remain here solely because of that. You have earned a place here. Your brothers and I have seen how you’ve changed, and by your own choice. At first, it was Leonardo who gave you a chance. He got into some trouble with me for doing so. I saw you as dangerous and untrustworthy." 

Karai nodded. "I was."

"But today, you are here on your own merit. That is why your brothers have forgiven you, why I also forgive you."

Karai turned to Leo and reached toward him, but he shook his head and indicated Splinter. Karai stood and embraced her father, trembling in his arms and crying on his shoulder as he patted her back and nuzzled her wet cheek. She sniffled and embraced each brother as well. Donnie hugged her gently. Raph hugged her firmly, slapping her on the back with a smirk. And Mikey just cuddled up to her and murmured, "It’s okay, sis. We love you."

Going back to her seat, Karai blushed sheepishly and looked at Leo. "I’ve ruined this, haven’t I? This was supposed to be about us, wasn’t it?"

"No. If anything, I’d say you made it better. The family is us. I’m happy to see everyone’s on board with this."

"My wise son," Splinter murmured proudly.

Karai took Leo’s hands again. "I can’t remember what I’d meant to say. Something about believing in me and enabling me to believe in myself. I thought you were everything I didn’t want to be. Now I know you’re everything I can’t be, and all I can really do is to try to learn from you and give you the best parts of me. 

"Leonardo, you taught me what love is. That’s all there is to it. Before you, I truly never loved. I used people, discarded them, and had the same done to me. And now here I am, willing to run anyone through if they so much as scratch you. And if it came to it, I’d die for you, too."

Leo cringed. No. That couldn’t happen. It wouldn’t. It had better not.

"For the faith and love I never deserved, there’s nothing I can give in return. Your ability to calm my emotions, to inspire guilt, to bring out things in me I didn’t even know I had - I can only marvel. Thank you. For being everything I need. I intend to honor you, to serve you, to never desert you. I love you - body, mind, and spirit." She bowed respectfully to Leo, who smiled warmly, gently.

Splinter nodded solemnly to Leo and Karai. He could only stand in awe at the changes Leo wrought in his daughter, and he appreciated that Leo would give Karai stability, sanctuary, serenity. 

Mikey sniffled quietly, and Raph stepped past Leo and let Mikey cry on his shoulder. Raph's own eyes glistened with moisture, but everyone pretended they hadn't seen the two embrace when Mikey settled down and they broke apart.

After a short pause to ensure everyone was focused again, Splinter spoke. "My son, my daughter, draw your blades."

The ring of Leo’s sword echoed around the dojo. Karai’s dagger was silent. Both blades were capable of killing.

"Miwa, throw your dagger to Leonardo. Leonardo, catch her blade on your sword. Both of you are skilled enough to do this. It is about accuracy and timing." Splinter noted Leo’s nervous expression. Karai, though, looked confident. "Leonardo, follow Karai’s example. Trust her. She will not let you fail." 

Karai saluted Splinter with her dagger, giving a proud "Hya" as she somersaulted away from Leo and got enough distance to throw. She threw the dagger in the air a few times, catching it on her palm. 

Leo spun the sword in his hands and had to catch it before he dropped it. Grimacing, he shook his head. This wasn’t going to work. But he looked at Splinter and then Karai, thinking he couldn’t let them down. Besides, he knew how to use different kinds of swords. Just because he favored katanas and his current blade wasn’t optimal wasn’t an excuse. One of his strengths was adaptation to a situation, and that’s what he’d do. He swung a few times, testing his coordination with the unfamiliar weapon. He ran through some basic katas, nodded. 

Catching Leo’s eye, Karai eyed the distance the knife had to go, gauged the length of Leo’s sword. Nodding, she threw the knife, making it flip end over end. Leo’s sword was held so the cutting edge faced outward, the blade perpendicular to himself. As the dagger approached, he flicked his wrist so the sword was held parallel, the point coming up to tap the knife and turn it slightly. When the knife stopped its forward momentum and began to fall, Leo angled his sword and caught it, the dagger sitting diagonally across the middle of his blade. Leo’s hand held steady, and the sword perfectly straight. He walked over to Karai, who smiled and took Leo’s free hand. Both looked at Splinter for further instructions.

"Well done, my children," Splinter smiled proudly. "Miwa, you may retrieve the dagger and put it away. The sword as well, Leonardo."

Karai curled her fingers around the hilt of the dagger and squeezed Leo’s hand. "Do we have a deal?" she smirked at him.

Leo smirked back. "We have a deal."

Karai slid the dagger off the sword and they sheathed the weapons simultaneously.

Splinter smiled. "I suppose you should seal that deal with a kiss."

Leo wrapped his arms around Karai’s waist as she gripped his shoulders and licked at his lips with her serpentine tongue. They kissed tenderly, but they stared at each other hungrily. Stepping away from each other reluctantly, they turned their attention to a low table, on which was a pen and a piece of paper.

Splinter moved to the table and everyone sat on the floor near it. The paper simply stated that Hamato Leonardo and Hamato Miwa had committed themselves to each other and declared their love in front of the entire clan. The "contract" was already dated, with places for Leo, Karai, Splinter, and the brothers to sign. 

Splinter signed his name in Japanese as 'Hamato Yoshi.' 

Pen and paper in hand, Leo thought a moment. He shrugged and wrote his name in katakana, since it didn’t translate directly into Japanese. 'Hamato' was written in hiragana. 

Karai chuckled warmly at Leo’s name. After writing the family name in Japanese, she hesitated. "Should I sign as Karai or Miwa?"

"I vote Miwa, actually," Leo murmured. "I’ll still call you Karai, but I don’t know. Just seems better for documentation purposes."

Karai nodded. "Father will want Miwa, too, huh?"

Splinter nodded.

"Okay." Karai wrote her name in hiragana as well.

Raph approached next and signed his name in block letters, following the English convention of first names first.

Donnie wrote his name in English cursive, last name first.

Mikey looked at all the formality and pouted. "Do I have to write my whole name?" he asked Leo.

"Yes, Mikey," Leo replied in a no-nonsense tone, though he couldn’t help chuckling a little.

"But you know that’s not me," Mikey argued.

Leo frowned. "Now is not the time to fool around, Mikey," he warned sternly.

"But we gotta have some fun," Mikey protested.

Leo sighed, getting exasperated. "Michelangelo, I cannot allow you to write your nickname. It would just spoil things if you do that. Formality may not be you, but it’s me. And it’s Sensei."

"Sorry, Mikey," Karai put in. "I have to support Leonardo here. Your nickname is cute, but it wouldn’t be appreciated on this document."

Mikey whimpered, but nodded. And then his eyes lit up and he wrote 'Hamato Michelangelo' in a curly, stylized font.

Leo snorted when he saw the signature. "Maybe we should have said to make it legible."

Karai giggled and patted Leo’s arm. "It is legible." She paused. "Barely. I can tell he wrote his name."

Leo cleared his throat. "Rather impractical. Well, it’s uniquely Mikey, and I’m sure that’s what he was going for. I guess it’s all right. At least, it's pretty."

Mikey looked hopefully at Leo, as if to say, "You aren't mad?"

Leo smiled affectionately, shaking his head.

Mikey grinned, flashing a thumbs-up.

Splinter looked over the signatures and nodded once, and then put the paper in a frame. It wasn’t the kind to mount on a wall but more like a special holder where the paper sits under plastic. That done, he left it on the table and got to his feet. "I’d like to be the first to congratulate you both. Leonardo, I’m proud that Miwa chose you."

Leo embraced Splinter warmly, whispering an "arigato" near his ear.

When he let go of Splinter, Mikey tackled him with a whoop of joy, having released Karai, who was smiling happily.

Raph and Donnie approached the couple. 

"You know I’ll have to pound you if you break Leo’s heart," Raph growled to Karai.

Karai nodded. "I’d let you."

"At least, hear her out first," Leo put in. "Hearts are fragile things and easily bruised. You can’t hit her every time it gets mistreated."

"Yeah, but bruising’s not the same as breaking," Raph argued.

"Well, in that case, it won’t happen. She promised," Leo nodded.

"It better not," Raph said ominously before walking away with Mikey.

Donnie looked from Leo to Karai. "Congratulations to you both," he said softly, his tone sincere, though his eyes showed sorrow. "You two are very lucky. Cherish each other. Leo, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you to take care of her."

"She doesn’t need me to look out for her," Leo nodded.

"Maybe not, but I’d appreciate someone watching my back all the same," Karai nodded to Leo with a wink.

"Of course. As long as you don’t leave me unguarded while I guard you."

Donnie chuckled to himself, his smile wistful. He patted their shoulders and walked off.

Only Splinter remained.

"Father, I never dreamed I’d be given away. It was an honor to walk with you." She turned to her partner. "You should be honored, Leo. Not like I’d do that for just anyone."

"It was my privilege and my honor," Splinter said warmly. "I am pleased you two have found harmony with each other. I’m sure you wish to spend time alone together. You are free to go."

Leo and Karai bowed, leaving the dojo as Splinter picked up the paperwork and went into his room. On the way to their shared room, however, they noticed they still had the formal weapons and Leo brought them back to the dojo while Karai went ahead.


	2. The Storm Before the Calm

Karai paced back and forth in the room she now shared with Leo. After their engagement, it had been soundproofed, so it felt like their own place. They also had a new bed and combined the room that used to be hers with his to make a decent living space so that the bed didn’t seem to fill the entire room. The room was familiar, yet different, and Karai had the ridiculous notion that she didn’t belong there. Or that the life was slowly being squeezed out of her. She knew she’d agreed to this arrangement. Long ago, in fact. So why did she regret it now? It wasn’t like any of her personality was eradicated. Was it that she missed her own place? Maybe. Sometimes, she wanted, needed, somewhere she could be totally alone. But she could easily leave the lair for that. Couldn’t she? Or would that be taken the wrong way now?

On second thought, regret wasn’t the right word. She was fortunate, honored, to be the wife of a turtle like Leo. He had a good position in the clan, was a skilled ninja, and made her feel loved. He always knew how to calm her, how to make her feel safe. Indeed, fear seemed to be a more appropriate assessment of her current emotion. But why should she be afraid?

Karai turned toward the door of their room, unsure whether she should go looking for Leo or not. She had been grateful to have a little time to herself to adjust to her new situation, but now wished she’d stayed with the family. However, in her state, she couldn’t return to them. They’d know immediately something was wrong.

After hanging her robe in their closet, Karai sat on the bed and faced the door, arms wrapped around her knees. What had she gotten herself into?

As it happened, her dejection prevented her from noticing Leo’s presence. Leo saw that Karai’s formal wear was carefully hung up in their closet as he passed by it and stopped next to his wife. By habit, he moved like the ninja he was, so she had no indication he’d arrived. Her head was bowed forlornly, but it snapped up as he touched her shoulder, a fist preparing to hit him. Leo leapt aside while one hand closed on her wrist and stopped it. "Whoa, whoa," Leo said in alarm. "Easy." Leo’s tone gentled and washed over her as she lunged at him and buried her head against his robe. He sat carefully on the bed and stroked her arms rhythmically until her tears subsided enough for her to speak.

"Leo. I’m so sorry. I…I didn’t-" Her voice broke and Leo shushed her softly, kindly.

"No harm done," he chuckled. "Having a kunoichi for a wife makes me doubly glad I was trained a ninja."

Karai laughed through her tears, and Leo’s heart lightened at the sound. "I still want to fight, still want to train, still want to patrol. But all that…We can’t do that anymore." Karai’s tone was sad and lost.

"We can’t?" Leo queried, mystified. That was news to him.

"We can?" Karai sounded hopeful.

"We don’t have children yet, so I don’t see any harm in staying out at night."

"Yet…" Karai hesitated, frowning.

Leo nodded. "Yeah. We agreed we didn’t want children right away. I remember."

"I’ve never wanted them," Karai moaned.

Leo hmmm’ed thoughtfully. "I imagined myself with children for some reason. Maybe because I’m so used to having people to look out for. And the clan needs more people, too."

"My heart’s not in it, but I understand where you’re coming from," Karai sighed. "At least, our children would have a better life than I did. So I suppose there’s that."

"Well, I don’t want you to feel it’s an obligation. You may change your mind one day, the way you did with this wedding. And if you never do, well, maybe another of our brothers can deal with the children. I’d like children, but I do have enough to worry about without them. I’d be happy just to live out the rest of my life with you as my wife."

"Thanks, Leo. I knew there was a reason I married you."

"Just one?" Leo teased.

Karai stared at him. "No. But I already told you."

"Yeah, I know. I’m just fooling around," he smiled, getting up to hang his robe beside Karai’s and returning to the bed.

Karai turned serious and took Leo’s hand, playing with his fingers and stroking his callused palm. She considered how it threw ninja stars, how it wielded a blade with beautiful precision, how it caressed her body or touched a brother’s shoulder or fired an arrow. She stared at it, raising it to her cheek and leaning against it, eyes fluttering closed as his fingers patted her skin. When her eyes opened again, they were sad. Leo’s eyebrows rose in mild puzzlement. Karai turned away and crawled to her side of the bed. And then froze. 

She actually had an entire side of a bed. This wasn’t like Leo’s old bed, which was really optimal for one person. This bed was too big. It felt cold, like a stranger.

Karai met Leo’s eyes, which were confused and concerned. She felt horrible. Of course, he didn’t know what was wrong with her. But the problem was that she didn’t know, either. She curled in on herself, facing away from him. She was dangerously close to the edge of the bed. It wasn’t high off the ground. In fact, it was flush with it, so it was a sort of compromise between an American bed and a futon. If she fell off, she wouldn’t injure herself, but Leo still tugged on one of her shoulders and she cooperated by scooting away from the edge enough to ease his mind. She heard Leo sigh quietly as he stretched out on his pillow. When she looked over her shoulder, she noted he was on his side, one arm curled under the pillow while his other hand reached toward her. He looked physically comfortable but emotionally uncertain.

Karai turned to face Leo, and the regret she felt must have shown on her face because he smiled kindly at her and shifted to touch her. But when she waved him away, he relaxed again as his eyelids drooped. Karai slid over to him and pecked him on the lips as the arm not under his pillow draped itself over her waist warmly. "I’m sorry," Karai whispered near Leo’s lips. "I don’t know what the problem is. But I love you. More than I can say."

Leo kissed Karai on the shoulder as his arm tightened around her waist in reassurance. "We’ll get to the bottom of this," Leo murmured drowsily. "Perhaps after a nap, things will be clearer."

"Please don’t be upset," Karai whispered. "I didn’t mean to ruin-"

"Sssssh," Leo soothed. "No fear, Karai. I’ll help you sort this out. I always do." She felt him huff a laugh through his nose before he rolled onto his shell and lay one hand against hers. She stayed on her side but maintained the contact. Deciding it wasn’t enough, she cuddled against Leo’s side and was gratified when he slid his arm under her neck and patted her upper arm softly.

When Leo woke, Karai was still asleep. She was pressed against him as though she thought he’d disappear if she wasn’t touching him. He marveled that he was valued that much, needed that much, trusted that much. He was married to the only woman who could fluster him, build him up, tear him down, and understand that perfection was not a form of arrogance but of love. She was the only woman who knew that despite his easy confidence, he took mistakes and blows to his pride seriously, and she knew how to reassure him that no one would take his place as her leader and her partner. Karai understood his need for predictability, for stability, for formality. She never let him forget that perfection was an illusion, but she also allowed him to keep up the facade, the way he allowed her to pretend she was confident and composed when inside, she was terrified. Indeed, with each other, they didn’t need facades. And that’s why he loved her.

He’d been waiting for this day for months. They’d been engaged a while, but their new room had to be prepared. He was so happy to finally be able to formalize their relationship before the clan as something so much more than mere romance. Sensei giving Karai away really brought home his new status, or additional status, as a husband. Splinter was entrusting Leo with the life of his only daughter, and he couldn’t say just how honored he was to be worthy of it.

He slid his arm carefully from under Karai’s head and began to sit up, but she threw her arms around him and clung to him, whimpering incoherently. "I’ll come back," Leo assured. "I just…Nature’s calling."

Karai released him immediately, getting up as well. "Now that you mention it, I have to go, too," she said, voice still sleepy.

Leo nodded and held her hand as they walked to the bathroom. He hesitated at the door but Karai nudged his carapace gently and walked away to the entrance to the shared living room to wait. Leo was out in a couple minutes and was waiting on their bed when she returned.

Leo sat propped against his pillow, legs out in front of him with his head turned to the side to watch Karai. She closed their door and slid into bed beside him, adopting his pose with her own pillow supporting her shoulders as her fingers curled around his and their eyes met.

Leo and Karai sat like this for a minute or so, neither moving. Finally, Leo broke the silence. "Any closer to the problem, love?"

Karai hid behind her hands and shook her head.

Leo tapped Karai on the shoulder. "No, Karai. Don’t hide. It makes fear worse. Lower your hands and look at me, unless it’s me you’re afraid of."

Karai lowered her hands and tried to do as instructed. But her gaze wouldn’t stay on his face. It roamed around the room, to the tapestry on the wall, the dartboard, their nightstand, their bed, the archery target in their closet.

Leo took possession of her hands so she couldn’t hide behind them and squeezed them firmly. She looked at their intertwined fingers and up into Leo’s eyes again. Nodding approval, Leo began stroking the backs of her hands gently as he murmured, "Steady, Karai. Still. Safe." His voice was effortlessly calm, like a pool of deep, warm water. It embraced her and her posture relaxed as her hands began playing with his fingers again. Her gaze was steady, clear. Leo smiled and draped an arm around her shoulders as Karai held his hand. Leo’s other hand lay beside him on the bed while Karai’s fiddled with the blanket nearby. "Now, Karai," Leo commanded quietly, "start talking. Just say what you feel. We’ll worry about why later."

"Why should I do as you say?" Karai asked half-heartedly. Her tone was more a question and less attitude.

Leo nodded. "Good. You still have some fight in you. You’ll be fine. Now do as I say. Can’t exactly help you with nothing to go on." 

Karai humphed, but she couldn’t quite hide the quirk of her lips or the spark of laughter in her eyes. "I’m happy. And I’m afraid. And deeply, immeasurably sad." Karai nodded decisively.

Leo sighed, looking troubled. Karai stroked his cheek, squeezed his shoulder, shook her head no, trying to tell him it wasn’t his fault. But his lips pursed and his eyes dropped from hers to the bed, hand withdrawing from Karai’s, though his arm stayed around her. "Why are you afraid?" he finally murmured. "When I came in, you nearly hit me. So I take it you were afraid even before I arrived. But you did not seem afraid at the ceremony."

Karai smiled in genuine joy as she remembered the ceremony. "I wasn’t. The day we were waiting for finally came. And it was honest and real and I told you we should improvise. We made Raph tear up." She smirked in satisfaction, but then became somber. "Leo, I’m the luckiest snake in the world. I know this. But suddenly, after we signed the contract and everything was formalized, it hit me. I’m yours, and nothing can change that. And I feel…trapped."

Leo blinked. "Mmm. And this…frightens or saddens you?" He removed his arm from around Karai and lay on his stomach, propped on his forearms. Karai assumed the same position across her side of the bed. They could converse easily, but they were not close together anymore.

"Both, I think. If I have to belong to someone, I’m glad it’s you, but I’ll miss my freedom."

"I’m…afraid I’m not following," Leo said. "You’re not my slave, Karai. You still have the freedom you used to. How does being married change that? If you belong to me, don’t I belong to you? Just like with the clan?"

"No. You’re not mine." Karai shook her head emphatically. "I mean, we’re family. You’re someone’s brother, someone’s son, someone’s friend, someone’s partner. But you as a person aren’t mine. You just did me the honor of choosing me."

"Yeah, that’s what I thought you did," Leo smiled. "You chose me. You also chose the family, just as the family chooses to stay together. There are no obligations here, Karai. We’re here because we want to be. Just because we made a deal doesn’t mean it’s unbreakable. Deals can be nullified, changed. Do you want to dissolve it?"

Karai shook her head vehemently. "No." Karai snarled, fangs gleaming.

Leo was so accustomed to Karai’s threats that he didn’t even blink. "Okay, then. I think we concluded that we don’t belong to each other, right?"

"No. I’m your wife." Karai nodded.

"By choice," Leo reminded.

"I want to be yours. I just don’t want to be owned. But it’s 'us' and 'we' now. Not you and me. I’m just…just something that belongs to you."

Leo’s face darkened in anger and insult. "That’s what you think? That’s what you think I think? If anyone asked me to speak for you, I’m sure your sword would be at their throat in the blink of an eye. You’re capable of defending your own autonomy. I just can’t believe you think so little of me. I thought you knew better." He turned away, his shell to her.

"No. Leo. It’s not you."

Leo didn’t move.

Karai turned onto her side and touched Leo’s shell, began tracing its scratches from previous battles. She lay her cheek against it, but Leo pulled it away, glaring over his shoulder. Karai tried again to touch it, but his hand lashed out and pushed her away. He didn’t hit her, exactly. The back of his hand connected with her ribs and shoved her onto her back.

Karai gasped slightly at the rough treatment and stared hopelessly at Leo’s shell. This wasn’t the way she’d wanted her wedding day to go. Their wedding day. It wasn’t that she thought Leo saw her as property. But generally, when a woman became a wife, certain things were expected. She was to be submissive and dutiful, her own identity subsumed by her husband’s. As she’d served her father, she must now serve her husband. And she loved Leo enough to turn her back on all she knew - to adapt to a new home, a new family, a new country. She even loved him enough to become a mother and lose the life she loved. Didn’t she? 

And then she realized. Becoming a mother was what troubled her. All her life, she’d imagined she’d grow up to be a deadly and skilled kunoichi, serving the Foot clan and punishing any who disrespected her or her father. At no point had motherhood figured into her plans. In fact, she always figured she’d avoid children and the hassle and bondage they represented. She imagined she’d be married, if she found a warrior who could impress her. But then, if she were married, she figured she would serve his clan as well as her own and they’d be even more formidable as a team than they were alone.

Was marriage bondage to her? When Leo had asked her if she’d marry him, she’d had to think about it. Marriage meant a deal that lasted a lifetime. Could she make that kind of commitment? She knew she’d never find another man like him - someone who could break her heart, bring her joy, shower her with faith and love and intuitive understanding. He always knew how to read between the lines with her, and she loved that subtlety. In the end, she’d decided she wanted their clan to know just what Leo meant to her. No. Marriage was not bondage.

But she knew what happened to women who bore children. Their lives revolved around them; women became slaves to their babies. And that was something she could not abide. She would not lose herself to children. Not even Leo’s.

"You aren’t getting children from me," Karai warned menacingly.

Leo turned to face her, eyes narrowing in frustration. "That’s fine," he said wearily. "I thought we went over that."

But Karai didn’t miss the sorrow in Leo’s tone. "It’s not. I know it’s not. But I can’t do it for you. I can’t become a mother, a slave, for you. And if that means I lose you, so be it."

"Karai, it…" Leo sighed. "I didn’t marry you just to have children. I don’t think it would turn you into a slave. I think you’d make a great mother."

"I don’t want the responsibility or the inconvenience. The burden. If I’m a mother, I can’t be a warrior. And I won’t -I can’t - be at a child’s beck and call. I don’t find children cute, Leo. I find them downright irritating."

Leo offered a half-smile. "I suppose you would," he said softly. "And I understand what you mean about not being able to fight as parents. At least, not until the children can defend themselves adequately. But it’s okay if we never have them. It really is. You should not have a child you are going to hate and resent. That will mean you will hate and resent me. And you’re more valuable to me than a child we don’t even know would grow up well."

"You-You mean that?" Karai asked hesitantly.

"I like what we do. Being a mutant never bothered me much. I never minded the prospect of being a ninja, protecting the family, staying hidden in our little corner of Earth. I assumed I would always be alone. Just me, Father, and our brothers. Having a wife is something I never dreamed of until you came along. Having children was a natural progression from that, but it only began to happen after you agreed to marry me. I don’t dream of things that are out of my reach. I learned long ago there’s no use in it. One must be realistically ambitious. You understand?"

"Completely." Karai smiled, reaching for Leo, who pulled her close. "I figured I’d always be alone, too. Unless I found a ninja who could impress me. If I did, I imagined I’d serve his clan as well as my own, that we’d be deadly together, even stronger than we were by ourselves. Turns out that dream came true." Karai laughed. "But I never, ever dreamed I’d be a mother. What if I died, like my own mother, and left my daughter alone? It’s bad enough to think I might leave you alone. Or that you might leave me." Karai shuddered in Leo’s arms, burying her head against his shoulder, breathing deeply and inhaling his scent, trying to reassure herself he was alive and well.

Leo swallowed audibly, going rigid briefly, before forcing himself to relax. "I would miss you every day," he said shakily, but with certainty. "No one would ever replace you." He took a deep breath, let it out slowly. "I would carry on, but I’d never be whole again. If you fell in combat, I’d want payback." Leo growled ominously, arms tightening painfully. At Karai’s strangled cry, he let go and blanched. But she lay against him and nodded against his chest.

"I have nothing to add," Karai said happily. "In some ways, we’re so alike."

"Some things never change, sister," Leo grinned.

"Interesting you should say that," Karai said. "When I came here ahead of you, thinking about how I’m your wife now, I thought about how different things would be. I figured I’d have to be a different person, that you and the clan would expect me to bear children and submit to you. I imagine Father would want grandchildren, but he wouldn’t want them at the cost of my happiness, would he?"

"No. He wouldn’t. I’m sure of it." Leo shifted somewhat, nestling more comfortably beside Karai as he worked stiff shoulders and began massaging his neck with a hand.

Karai began massaging Leo’s shoulders and neck firmly, sighing contentedly at his appreciative moan. "I don’t know why I thought you’d expect me to change. I had these horrible images of being stuck at home while you and the guys had all the fun. And I wondered if I’d made the wrong choice. And there is something absolutely terrifying about being stuck at home, worrying about you. And I don’t know why." Karai whispered desperately, eyes threatening tears.

"No, no. Come, don’t do that," Leo soothed hoarsely, kissing her lips lightly. "I know if I were sitting home alone, I’d be scared, too. I’d be running through all kinds of terrible scenarios about how you or our brothers might be injured or killed and the guilt that I wasn’t there to try to save you. 

"I never considered that marriage would mean losing yourself or making drastic life changes. I just assumed we’d carry on as we have been. We’d just have our own room. 

"I mean, it’s like my leadership. I’ve always been a leader. It was just something I naturally did. One day, the role was given to me formally. When we began patrolling, I got some unique added responsibilities.

"The way I see it, you were always my wife. It’s just been made official now. I have a feeling grandchildren are a tacit assumption by the clan, but because you feel so strongly opposed, I’ll talk to them and set them straight. I think Father would be disappointed, but he’ll know he won’t be the one having to do all the work of pregnancy. So he won’t complain."

Karai hugged Leo fiercely, brushing little kisses over his cheeks, his forehead, his lips. Leo was laughing kindly, brushing the backs of her fingers against his lips. "Leo, please forgive me," Karai said humbly. "I should have known you’d never cage me, never want me to be less than I am. But I was so afraid I’d just be…relegated to the sidelines, just Leo’s wife, no longer a person in my own right. After all these years, and my Foot upbringing still controls me."

Leo squeezed her hand. "I don’t understand where that thinking comes from, why you would just assume that you have to make sacrifices when we in the clan have never given you reason to think we operate on that policy. Why would you think that just because you made a commitment before the clan, I suddenly outrank you? Well, aside from the leader thing."

"And the clan heir thing," Karai rejoined.

"Well, yeah. But those things have been in place since before you met me."

"It’s nothing logical, Leo. It’s just…just something I must have unconsciously absorbed. I think I had it in my mind at an early age that women are people until they get married. Then, they belong to their husband’s clan and just live to serve them. Their only job is to grow his clan, care for the children, and it doesn’t matter how capable or fierce she is. She has no more right to be a warrior, an individual. She’s just…a resource."

Leo winced violently, and Karai saw bitter pain in his eyes, as though she’d stabbed him with her own sword. "I…I never…Why didn’t you tell me?" he choked out. "I never considered it from that standpoint. Marriage, I mean."

"I didn’t think it would cause a problem. My way of thinking. Before the ceremony, I told myself you weren’t that way. All I focused on was telling the clan how much I loved you. I didn’t know I’d get scared and start feeling differently. And it’s not your fault you didn’t consider that. You’re not a woman. Why would you?"

"No, but I got so mad at you. Thinking you thought I was a horrible person when it’s really a cultural issue and nothing to do with me at all. I owe you an apology."

"No, you don’t, Samurai. Of course, you thought the way you did. It’s how I made it seem."

"I should have probed further. I should have known that was the wrong interpretation."

"Leo," Karai sighed in annoyance. "If you forgive me, I’ll forgive you. Okay?"

"You don’t owe me an apology," Leo muttered. "I thought we established that."

"And you want to give me one that you don’t owe," Karai winked. "So let’s just accept them and move on. Consider it compensation for damages and stress."

Leo chuckled. "I knew there was a reason I married you," he grinned.

"Just one?" she winked.

"No, but I already told you," they said simultaneously.

The couple laughed merrily, kissing each other deeply and passionately. "Are you all right now?" Leo asked against Karai’s lips.

"Yeah," Karai whispered. "Thank you. I never meant for our first day as husband and wife to go this way."

"I certainly wasn’t expecting it," Leo nodded. 

Karai’s face fell. 

Leo shook his head. "Do you think you made the wrong choice?"

"Absolutely not," Karai replied without hesitation. 

"Then that’s all that matters," Leo murmured, eyes closing.

Karai pulled their blanket over them, listening to Leo’s heartbeat as he held her tenderly. "No. It’s 'us,' remember? Do you regret choosing me?"

Leo smiled, though Karai didn’t see it. "Will you ever stop loving me?"

Karai grunted an acknowledgement. Tapping Leo’s shoulder, she was all business. "Don’t get too comfortable, ninja. I need you awake," she commanded.

Leo’s eyes opened again. "Oh? Why so?"

Karai nuzzled his neck, suckling and licking as Leo rubbed her back. "I plan to show you how much I love you."

Massaging her arms slowly and gently, Leo drew back and looked worriedly into Karai’s face. "Would it be all right if we just…cuddled? I don’t mean to disappoint. But-"

But Karai cut him off with a deep, yet gentle, kiss. "Ssssstay with me. It’s all I need," she hissed into his mouth.

The reptiles found shelter in embraces, reassurance in caresses, love in words, passion in kisses, and warmth in their bed. Despite miscommunication and missteps, they deemed the day a success.


End file.
